The last few shifts I've worked I've read a psalm or two in my car before going in. I've been trying to get closer to God. I no longer work on the Sabbath. Eventually I hope to attend services regularly but I'm not quite ready for that. The thought of going into a synagogue terrifies me and fills me with anxiety. For now I am content to do my best to light candles every Friday night and say some Jewish blessings. The Sabbath is a weekly reminder that God's commandments are a gift. We are commanded to rest on the 7th day. Our lives are better with a Day of Rest.
What have I learned so far in my trip through Psalms? I can't quote lines but I know that God gave us commandments as a blessing and a map to life. Follow the commandments and you will have a good life. Commandments are simple life instructions. God blesses the righteous.
Whatever my troubles are, whatever's bothering me, every week I have a time set aside by God, for peace. I'm thankful for that and do my best to be deserving of the gift of the commandment of the Sabbath.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Glasses of Insecurity
Sometimes I take off my glasses and I do things without them. I'm writing this right now without my glasses. Sometimes I like to see the world through my own eyes.
My glasses are a burden I choose to bear. I could switch to contacts but I have a terrible time getting them in and out and I'm not willing to put the effort into getting good at at. If I had enough money I'd look into getting laser surgery, despite the risks. I could generally get by without my glasses but it's best that I keep them on most of the time. I'd rather wear glasses and be able to see than not wear them and have great difficulty recognizing faces from a distance and reading street signs.
The burden of my glasses is more mental than physical. I wish I didn't have to wear them. I wish I had naturally excellent vision. In a deep way it bothers me that I have shitty vision. It pisses me off. My glasses bother me appearance-wise, as well. I don't dislike my appearance with my glasses, but I think I look better without them. Why would I want something altering the natural appearance of my face? Why would I want metal, plastic, and glass sitting on my face?
I know my glasses help me. I prefer seeing well over not seeing well. It's like I'm hindered by some deep ubermensch envy and my glasses are a constant reminder of my failure to attain some unfounded, unfair sense of how things ought to be.
My glasses are a burden I choose to bear. I could switch to contacts but I have a terrible time getting them in and out and I'm not willing to put the effort into getting good at at. If I had enough money I'd look into getting laser surgery, despite the risks. I could generally get by without my glasses but it's best that I keep them on most of the time. I'd rather wear glasses and be able to see than not wear them and have great difficulty recognizing faces from a distance and reading street signs.
The burden of my glasses is more mental than physical. I wish I didn't have to wear them. I wish I had naturally excellent vision. In a deep way it bothers me that I have shitty vision. It pisses me off. My glasses bother me appearance-wise, as well. I don't dislike my appearance with my glasses, but I think I look better without them. Why would I want something altering the natural appearance of my face? Why would I want metal, plastic, and glass sitting on my face?
I know my glasses help me. I prefer seeing well over not seeing well. It's like I'm hindered by some deep ubermensch envy and my glasses are a constant reminder of my failure to attain some unfounded, unfair sense of how things ought to be.
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