Winter garden

Squirrel Chronicles 1

A white squirrel stands in the middle of a large square of bright green grass and ponders the nearest route to a tree where he can more peacefully enjoy a tasty nut he'd found. He springs and leaps in bounds across the man-made lawn and makes for a nearby magnolia. Quickly he clambers up its comfort-giving sides and swiftly climbs higher than the house roofs. He scampers out onto a thick, swaying limb and sets upon his nut with a fervor. There is a warm wind blowing and the sun is beaming in a blinding blue sky. The white squirrel blinks his brown eyes and licks his paws in satisfaction. He ate the nut so fast he hardly knew it was there.

A commotion below draws his attention. There's a clamor coming from the house nearby. Metal is clanging and then there is a sound that draws his attention like nothing he's heard before. It sounds like Squirrel and if it is it means there's a squirrel in the house. The squirrel cautiously makes his way down the tree to satisfy his curiosity.

He peers into the house from the safety of the magnolia trunk and sees a creature as intriguing as the sound he'd heard. It looks like a squirrel but is bigger and fatter and only has a silly little nub of a tail. The strange brown creature is standing on two legs and looking around the room.

The squirrel oh-so-slowly inches its way lower on the trunk to get closer to the house and the strange creature within. The squirrel and the strange creature lock beady eyes, and the strange creature calls out in a strange accent, “Hello, Mr. Squirrel!"

Gulf oil spill jokes: proceed with caution

If you're feeling inclined to make a joke about the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, some thoughts for you...

Joking about the spill is like making fun of your mom. If you say it, it's ok, but if someone else says it then you're going to have to kick their ass.

I have to admit that I feel a strong negative reaction when someone I don't know makes a joke about the oil spill. Like, you and your friends can make fun of each other but if someone from outside the group goes there, then it's on.

I also internally squirm with annoyance when someone who's not from the Gulf Coast makes fun of the oil spill. Again, the jokes are for the insiders only. If you're not directly affected by the spill then it's best to say compassionate and appreciative things. Why say dickish things?

I joke a lot about a lot of things and I've uttered more than my share of oil spill joke-atrocities. I'm not saying it's off-limits to humor. I'm saying that you should first establish a compassionate, friendly connection on the matter, then rip away.

The oil spill is possibly the worst environmental disaster the United States has ever known, and it's right on my horizon. (Get it? Horizon!? Deepwater Horizon!? Ha ha ha ha ha ha....) (See, humor...)

I'm no ardent environmentalist but, believe me, I love the beach and and I love the Gulf and I love all the animals and plants and THE PERFECT NATURAL BEAUTY OF IT ALL and I hate that it's being befouled by stupid human tricks.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

- mitchell

P.S. The above sentiments apply to joking about any sensitive matter. Think carefully before you speak.

GreenPunk

Julian strode through the forest as if he owned it, which is ironic because he believes no one can own the land.